I travel in my dreams. Sometimes I go on journeys to places no one has been for aeons. Other times I get to explore aspects of my life I took for granted. But lately the journey has come to me. And it’s hit quite close to home.
When you see a dream character, can it also see you? When you speak to her is she a figment of your own selfish wishes or imbued with her own mind? How can you tell?
As a waking person it’s totally acceptable to meet someone who changes your life forever. But when you’re asleep, or halfway there, and someone touches you? For all the mind’s rationalizations and attempts to marginalize those impressions the messages they sow in the psyche remain. And some take root and take you places you never thought you could go by yourself.
Maybe you met a guide. Maybe some friendly passing soul. Someone interesting enough to stop and talk with over fish tacos and chocolate malts at some diner in the Verse.
But after so many hours of insightful conversation you open your eyes and realize you’ve been ‘alone’ the whole time. Talking to the air. Talking to yourself. But sure (through some freak of nature) that you’ve made contact with a real person who talks about things you couldn’t make up. At what point are you crazy? There could never be evidence that someone came and ‘changed’ your life if the entire process happens from within. It was just a dream. Lucky it was such a nice one. Right? I’m not so sure about that any more.
For me the hardest thing has always been getting my security-conscious waking mind to accept impressions from my subconscious without boxing, labeling, and storing them in the attic. That’s reversed now. My subconscious is flooding my conscious faster than I can file and sort. It’s making me re-evaluate how I weigh the input from my conscious and unconscious experience. Why is the concrete more valuable than the subtle? Should it be?
If you speak to someone in a dream and you didn’t have to pay a phone bill did you really talk to them? lol What happens when you feel a connection that’s closer than friendship? Can you make love to a mind? And if you could, how much would you let that connection change your life? Is there a line that’s past reasonable and if so how do you draw it?
The things that change you are the scariest things there are. What if you make an uncorrectable mistake and it changes you? Better to make the mistake and learn than to camp around telling yourself stories of what it could be, forever. You can hold back your love until you bust. You can wait until you’re sure beyond sure. But don’t wait around too long because life moves faster than you can believe in it. And the most regrettable thing won’t be what you did but the love you missed while you were drifting in who you thought you used to be.
So if nothing else, I’ve learned that the rigidity of who I think I am isn’t designed to hold back the flow of an entire Universe. And it seems to be conspiring to make me happy even though it’s against my better judgement. Covering your face with a mask doesn’t stop your soul from shining through the most sensitive cracks. We know we can change our perspectives but it’s hard to realize how much our perspectives change us and our choices.
Here I am, as sure as a seashell can be from my tiny corner of this ocean, waiting for the tides to take me. It’s all I can do. All any of us can do. The soul in me sees the soul in you. Good dreams.